Keeping their potatoes peeled
by HollyHop
Summary: This just a fun-sized fic about the boys getting naked, while trying to cheat themselves out of the potato peeling punishment. RxL slash. Don't own, don't earn.


Set in series 8 episode Pete, part 1.

If they are naked anyway, they might as well.

Keeping their potatoes peeled

"What's happening to your uniform?" Lister was pointing at the sleeve of Rimmer's overall. It had started to fray and, while he was still looking at it, seemed to recede even further up his arms. His trouser legs seemed to be affected, too. While Rimmer started to slap at his body, trying to get rid of the tiny little blighters who were busy eating away his clothes, Lister noticed that his own sleeve had also started to disappear. Oh no, this wasn't good. They both hopped and slapped while their clothes dissolved faster than an aspirin in a glass of water.

And suddenly they were completely and utterly naked, standing amongst a huge pile of peeled potatoes with their hands over their privates. Lister looked over at Rimmer. What now? They would never make it back to their cell undetected. And besides, the blighters were probably still crawling around on their bodies, ready to devour any fresh clothes they might happen to put on. Rimmer looked back at Lister, utterly perplexed.

"What are we going to do now, Mr. Smartypants?" Rimmer asked slightly sarcastic.

"I dunno." Lister shook his head, carefully cupping his hands around his front.

"Well, it was your idea in the first place, so think of something." Rimmer's voice was more urgent now. They had to think of something. Anything.

"Okay, so what's the situation?" Lister tried to think strategically. Not one if his strong suits. "The guards locked us in, expecting us to need the entire day for peelin' the potatoes. It's only been ten minutes, so I guess we're safe for a while." He looked over at his friend and nearly giggled. Rimmer was looking positively horrified at the thought of being locked into the cargo bay. Naked. With Lister. Also naked. For the next seven hours and fifty minutes.

"I guess we could always bang at the doors for the guards to let us out." Lister said.

"But we're naked!" Rimmer almost whimpered.

Lister tried to ignore that comment, since he was already painfully aware of the fact that his roommate and friend was standing before him with only his hands for cover. Lister noticed that Rimmer's body was rather well defined. Unlike his own. Not that he was pudgy or anything, but he didn't have Rimmer's toned physique.

'Don't think about Rimmer's body. Do not think about Rimmer's body' He had to remind himself. He didn't exactly want the smeghead to notice how much he fancied what he saw. That would have been more than embarassing.

"Okay, let me think." Lister tried to tear his mind off his roommate's body, which proved a rather herculean task. And when he tried to think about an escape plan, his mind produced nothing but static. He closed his eyes. When he opened them again, he saw Rimmer quickly averting his gaze. Now that was rather intriguing. Had Rimmer checked him out, while he'd had his eyes closed?

"Well?" Rimmer tried to cover up the fact that Lister had almost caught him ogling.

"Maybe there's another exit? Or a ventilation shaft? Or maybe I could get the scutters online via one of the pipes." Lister desperately tried to pretend he'd actually given this some thought, instead of wondering about what his friend's skin would feel like against his own.

They decided to check the entire cargo bay for weak spots. Lister went round one way and Rimmer the other. When they met up again, they had found nothing. Not a crack in one of the carbon panels, not a grid leading into a ventilation shaft, not a door ajar or a screw loose. Dammit.

In frustration Rimmer looked at Lister. Who looked back at him.

"Have you any idea how gorgeous you are?" Lister couldn't believe it was his voice saying these words. And out loud as well.

Rimmer blushed furiously. He almost didn't believe his ears. Lister had seriously just called him gorgeous? Was this real? Had Lister lost his mind? But when he looked into Lister's eyes and saw them wide open and burning into his, he knew it had been real.

"I … erm, so are you." He didn't know what else to say but the truth. He had never been very good at lying under pressure.

Lister took a couple of steps towards him and this made Rimmer even more aware of how naked he really was. If he lifted one hand to stop Lister approaching any further, he'd have just one hand left to cover himself. And that seemed barely enough. He decided the hand was more important where it was.

Lister had no such qualms and lifted one hand to gently touch Rimmer's neck. When his friend didn't retreat, he used the hand to pull Rimmer's face close to his. When their lips met, they both almost jumped with shock. It was like touching an electric fence. Lister's face was on fire, but he was damned if he'd let this opportunity pass. He'd been meaning to do something about his growing feelings for Rimmer for quite a while now, but hadn't managed to bring himself to act upon them. And now this beautiful man was standing so close to him, naked, returning his kiss like he meant it. His hand could now barely cover his privates anymore and when he felt a hand on his back pressing him closer, he knew that Rimmer had decided to relinquish his firm hold as well.

Lister then let go entirely and used both his hands to run them up and down Rimmer's back. They were truly kissing now, without any regards for not wearing any clothes. Running their tongues against each other, urging their bodies even closer. When they came up for air, they pressed their foreheads together, both resting their hands on each other's backs.

'If they moved apart now, things would get seriously embarassing,' Lister thought.

Then again, there wasn't really any need to be embarassed. It wasn't as if he had forced Rimmer to do anything he hadn't wanted.

'Wait, Rimmer had wanted this?' Lister's mind was racing. He could feel the other man's skin hot on his own. He could feel the muscles moving underneath that skin, when Rimmer breathed. This was what he'd been dreaming about for weeks, maybe months.

"I'm totally crazy 'bout you, man." He was still breathing hard, trying to get his body back under control, which seemed to think now was a good time to flush itself with adrenalin.

"I think I got that." Rimmer panted, still shocked by his own fervent desire and Lister's naked body pressed up to his.

This probably wasn't the answer Lister had been looking for, because he pulled his head away as far as he could, without their bodies losing contact, trying to look Rimmer in the eyes.

"Me too, that is." Rimmer added quickly. "I'm not very good at this. Sorry."

Lister didn't bother with too many words, but simply kissed Rimmer again, this time more gently. They both knew they had to leave this cargo deck sometime today and face the consequences of their cheating, but they wouldn't be leaving it as aroused as they were now. Lister pushed Rimmer carefully back against one of the crates piled against the sides of the bay. They still had a couple of hours to go, before they'd be checked up on.


End file.
